Cyborg Children and Reasons Why I Would Rather Fuck a Cactus these Days...

Worked at the tattoo shop yesterday, which I enjoy. Had to buy new phone too. It is pleasant that my service provider has a store location right next to the shop. It was a smooth day over all. Then I came home, curled up on the couch and watched a couple horror films. Open House and Human Centipede. Open House was pretty good and Human Centipede in my opinion was really fucking stupid but absolutely disgusting. I am not into anal anything so I kinda wanted to vomit a lot but other than that it was dumber than a tightrope walking, suicidal retard. If you don't mind feces and buttholes then have at it, champ. I was avoiding it for years because a couple of friends who love horror films said it was really gnarly. I just thought it was stupid and disgusting.

Thinking about it, it's almost sad how much we rely on all of these stupid devices these days. Children even have cell phones. WTF? That is absurd to think about. To me at least. A fucking 10 year old kid with a cell phone? AND, it's nicer than mine? Wild. It's just sucking up their childhood and youth. Now they play video games, text and shit like that instead of going outside and climbing trees or riding their bicycles, skateboarding, going fishing or whatever else. Glad in my days growing up, we didn't have them. My first one was when I was like 27 or something like that and living in Los Angeles. I got to Los Angeles at 25 too. Bought a fucking pager. Fuck it, I didn't know. Pretty soon women will be giving birth to cyborg infants. Humans with actual wiring and memory chips/cards plugged inside of their fucking skulls. Hell, you may even have to plug them in the wall by their assholes to charge them up, use batteries and whatnot... Hopefully I will be dead by the time they start building weapons and shit. A bunch of angry, robot children building massive weapons. The world already fucked so what's next? Surprise me. I forgot what that feels like.

Been busy otherwise on my end. A lot of drawing and painting. A lot of working on music. Should be done soon with the record now. All my stuff started crapping out on me, tape machines and such. It was bumming me out and had me all moping and feeling like throwing my hands in the fucking air and giving up. Today, I got my bearings and am back on track with it. Had to force myself and it worked. I want this thing to be as real as possible though so it's worth waiting for. Almost done now though. Even if nobody likes it I know in my heart that I tried. That is enough for me. It's getting close now and it makes me antsy. Haven't put a record out since 2005 or something like that...? 13 years. Fuck...

Went out to this little pub for a burger with Doug tonight. It was my celebratory "be a fat ass and treat yourself to an overpriced bacon cheeseburger for dinner because you solved a big problem and deserve one" meal. It was delicious though. "I'll just have a water". Like I said this last week chewed my mind up. At least I didn't fuck it all up with booze. I ain't got no big timeline on that adventure. Maybe I will drink again one day. Maybe not. Right now I don't. I don't even crave it much either which is something that I never thought would ooze from my brain into words. Matter of fact I know that I will drink again one day, just not like that psycho shit I was doing to myself. I am happy where I am at now so I will just keep doing what I am doing. Seems to be working. If I do I do, If I don't I don't.

I even found myself checking out girls again tonight. odd because for the last 2 years I have been completely disgusted by girls and humanity as a whole. Still am but crawling out of my shell does feel better. Looking at a woman and thinking hmmm... what's her story? Not like a rapist scumbag but genuinely though cautiously curious. Saw a couple nice ones. One in particular got my head kinda twisted up. She is a waitress at the place we went to eat. I keep thinking about her. She was beautiful and seemed very happy. Maybe she isn't, I was just observing and she smiled a lot. Fuck, for all I know she could be completely miserable. She wasn't waiting on us so I never spoke to her at all. I was just a hobo spectator at a table with my buddy... I did bust her looking at me a few times though. Ain't my first rodeo. Good thing I "fixed" my hair and put on clean t-shirt. Ain't tooting my own horn or nothing either but I noticed. Maybe I still got it after all? Shit, I ain't been laid in so long that probably wouldn't even know what to do. All I know is that the next time I stick my pecker in a chick I want to actually like her for starters. Secondly, feeling comfortable knowing that she, at some point, hadn't already fucked or sucked every other guy in the room without my knowing about it to some degree. You know? Fair warning at least would be appreciated. That would be a Godsend and relief to me. There is nothing more embarrassing or humiliating to a me than finding out that as my already toxic relationship (most are and it's always my fault so they say) evolves that my girl has seen more dick than a men's urinal and that I just shook hands with 5 different guys in 3 minutes who have skull fucked her before getting to her vagina while sticking fingers up her ass. I have had guy friends of mine tell me the didn't give a fuck what's been up in there, I think it's gross. Goes both ways with certain cretins I guess. Some don't care some actually do... I am a guilty party but at least I admit it. I have done more than my share of whoring. Nowadays I think about it like this - You want it respected then start with you first. I'm just not a fan of that awkward surprise of feeling totally blindsided and stupid is not a fun one. Then comes, "Hey, let me buy you a shot!" ~ "No thanx, man. I'm good." Point being is that I don't mind waiting for a good catch at this point. Matter of fact I would rather wait. Patience is a virtue to me these days. Besides, I am busy. Like mad scientist busy. A chick would only fuck everything up colliding with just another reason that Lil' Sambone will stay tucked away down there for now. I honestly cannot believe that he and I walked away unscathed from the battlefield of what they call "love" and sex. It's the equivalent of a Vietnam War miracle of sorts. Done with my rant.

Alright, green tea and horror movie time until I fall asleep. Got a long recording day tomorrow and I have a few days to make up for. Goodnight cruel world.